How Do You Get That Lonely?
by Dlbn
Summary: Seimei has just been buried, and Ritsuka is left wondering why.


Disclaimer: I do NOT own Loveless or anything in it. It all belongs to Yun Kouga. I make NO money off of this.

Note: This fic takes place in the anime universe, NOT manga. For those who have seen the anime, you'll know what I mean.

Dedication: This story is dedicated to my former elementary-high school classmate, Greg. He committed suicide recently. His funeral is Monday morning and the wake is Sunday. We may have drifted apart after elementary school, but I'll always cherish the memories. Rock on, buddy. We'll miss you. RIP.

000

It couldn't be true. It just couldn't be true. There was no way in _hell_ he was gone. It had to be some kind of sick joke someone had played. He didn't have any enemies and he was a good boy. So why…why did Seimei have to die?! Ten year old Ritsuka Aoyagi just didn't understand it. Who would want to kill Seimei? Let alone burn him alive in an elementary schoolboy, his own brother's, desk? Who could be so cruel and cold? Seimei was seventeen. _Seventeen_. He was still just a kid, himself. Caught in that delicate stage between a boy and a man. And now, he'd never get to be a man. He'd never grow up and lose his ears and have a family of his own. He'd never attend his own little brother's wedding-if Ritsuka ever got married, anyway-or have an actual job that he could be proud of. He'd never move and get his own place away from the family, and maybe take Ritsuka with him to escape their violent, abusive mother. He'd never get to drive-not that he would need to-or buy lottery tickets. He'd never get to do all those things that other teenagers eventually got to do when they grew up. Instead of graduating high school, he was being lowered into a ground in front of a stone.

Ritsuka couldn't even begin to imagine what it must have been like for Seimei in his final moments. Was he thinking about his family? Was he sorry that he wouldn't be there to protect Ritsuka? Sorry that he couldn't be there for family gatherings anymore? Was he afraid to die? Was he scared? Did he know who killed him? Did he try to leave evidence of who did it behind? It must have been pure torture. Being brought down like that so harshly and so easily. Had he been drugged or knocked out somehow before being tied up? Was he even awake when they set his body ablaze? Maybe they were merciful and left him knocked out so that he wasn't aware of what was happening to him. Or maybe they were torturous and made _sure_ he stayed conscious until he drew his last breath? Whatever it was it couldn't have been pleasant…poor Seimei…

000

Standing in front of his brother's grave the day of the funeral, Ritsuka didn't notice that his grieving parents had retreated to the car to leave. All he could focus on was the slab of stone sitting in front of him. Seimei's name was carved on it, along with his date of birth and date of death. There was a small praying angel carved up above him name. The perfect marker for a perfect person…a perfect brother. Ritsuka knelt in front of the grave and plucked a couple dandelions out of the ground behind him. He placed them on top of the mound of dirt and closed his hands to pray. He shut his eyes as he spoke within his mind.

_I love you Seimei. I'll never forget you. I wish you were still here with me. Things will never be the same…but I promise…I will find out who did this to you…and one day…one day I will make them pay for hurting you…you didn't deserve this cruel fate._ He thought. _God, if you exist, watch over my brother in heaven and keep him safe for me. Okay? Amen…_ Ritsuka opened his eyes to look at the tombstone again. The dandelions looked silly and out of place amongst the chrysanthemums and other funeral flowers, but they were from him personally, and that's what mattered. If he had money, he would buy something much nicer. Maybe something colorful to represent Seimei and all the fun times they had had together. But he was broke and didn't have an allowance to speak of, so fluffy yellow weeds it was.

Ritsuka smiled at the gravestone and willed himself to believe that Seimei wasn't there. That Seimei was somewhere else. This was just a charred body that was only identified through dental records. This wasn't his brother and never would be. He wanted to remember Seimei as a fun, bright, sunny, laughing, caring brother. Not a sack of deep fried bones sitting in a desk, lying in the ground. The mortician had said it would be better to have him cremated, since his body was pretty much eighty percent of the way there already. Their father may have agreed simply because he didn't want to pay for a burial plot, but both Ritsuka and their mother had objected to it. Seimei was already burned. Why should they burn him more? That made them no better then the ones who had done this in the first place. His father had lamented after a while, but it was still a fight to get what they thought was best for Seimei. He had wanted just a little plaque that rested on the ground; a little marker. Ritsuka had pushed for a bigger tombstone. He had said that no one would know Seimei was there and that his brother would be forgotten if there wasn't something there that people could see. He feared grasses and weeds would grow over it and cover it up, or neighboring plots' decorations would cover it up and hide it. He wanted to get Seimei's classmates and friends to sign something to try and convince his dad to go about it the right way and get a gravestone, but for the life of him, he didn't know any of Seimei's friends and couldn't figure out if he even had any. But Seimei was popular and well liked, and a lot of people came to the funeral, so surely he had friends. Luckily, a little begging had been enough and his father gave in. the gravestone wasn't that big, but it was good enough. As long as it was there, people would know Seimei was there. If Ritsuka ever had kids, he would bring them there and tell them stories of their uncle Seimei.

When he heard his father call for him, Ritsuka uttered quick goodbyes to Seimei with a promise of returning soon, and rushed off to meet his impatient father and crazed mother.

Meanwhile, in a patch of trees behind the gravesite where Seimei was buried, a ghostly figure smiled softly as a tear rolled down his cheek.

_Ritsuka_…

The young neko's name carried on the wind and dragged his vision back to the gravestone for one last look before he got into the car. He saw the spectre and smiled.


End file.
